Lighten up Already

So it was one of those beautiful warm sunny Mexican brag to your friends kind of day.
It had been raining prior. In Vancouver what we would call showers, but here where infrastructure fails, roads are obliterated with minor rainfall. Great for homeschool lessons on erosion.
So off we head towards Ensenada a beautiful postcard ocean drive dotted with cool cactus yet to be collected for my garden.
We hang a right at the River Guadalupe to a winding road through vibrant green vistas of olive trees and vineyards into the valley.
Our plan was to visit Rancho Poiema a discipleship center for for men who have come out of recovery.
Our lack of understanding could not prepare us for the road in.

My heart had been yearning for some of my comforts from home or luxuries that I have not been able to participate in. My garden of prayer at here was reduced to a few pots with cacti that need little care. Long walks where a short hobble to the base and back about 400 steps total..limited exercise to say the least. Long unencumbered chats with friends squelched by the awkwardness of skype. I was feeling very caged in and the bars on the windows and doors began to play with my mind.

Back at the Ranch..cracks me up that I can use that in context....we turn off the comfort of the washed out asphalt and hit the open dirt road.
The first few rough spots we maneuvered with angled skill until we came upon the beast. Large moca chocolata van swallowing demon mud puddles.
Most of them are harmless and shallow. The approach was this. I said take the left, ground yourself on a solid bank and Rob in his confidence decided speed and aggression down the middle was the the best approach. He launched. The puddle engulfed then grabbed and pulled the van into the thick silt, like quicksand on a struggling yak.
We were certainly stuck and no I did not say one word. Not one!
Being that my husband has a very expensive prosthetic and our 2 boys would have relished the opportunity for a mud fight that would inevitably pollute the interior. I roll up my pants take off my shoes and out I go. My fierce arthritic self. The mud was warm and smooth but very dark. I thought not of what might be lurking. Water scorpions I am sure exist.
I pull branches grass and push under the tires with no avail. Finally help comes. Sort of. A beat up Datsun truck with skipping rope intended to pull the yak out.
After witnessing 3 obvious attempts with the rope snapping within dangerous proximity I decide to walk to the ranch after all it is only around the corner.

My hot pink shirt rolled up pants, bare mud covered feet I stomp off intent to resolve this foolishness. So down the dirt road I trek. Within minutes I relaxed with the heavy fragrance of blossoming citrus, the warm soft sand on my feet and azul sky as the back drop to the warmth of the full midday sun. In my person it was the tonic I longed for and I drank it in.
Then comes the band of migrant farm workers on a flat bed driving up along side me looking like something out of a Clint Eastwood movie. I wondered about my ransom and decided to make like I was out for a jog. The funny thing is NOBODY jogs in Mexico or rarely walks either but I thought I could pull it off.
So the stride begins resembling a fast pathetic limp followed by something that was a cross between as seizure and an Ellen dance. I thought I was running. As I turned, they turned, until I realized there was a fence between us and they were heading to the orange grove. Just in case I kept running..sort of. The around the corner was around several corners up a hill down a hill around another few corners up another hill. Looking up to the sky I notice a vulture... for real.. I wonder... as movies scenes flash in my head.
As I come up the hill a large group of gnarly men step down from their construction as one comes toward me. I question my stubborn foolishness.
Just then our van comes around the corner my knight in blue as a comfort and he wasn't mad or even concerned. He has seen that determined look in me before. He was surprised at how far I had traveled.

In the end I had to laugh. I must of look like a crazy lady to these men, all guys working from the discipleship center. They were probably a little nervous themselves as it is not every day you see a 50 year old , mud covered bare foot white woman jogging down dirt roads in Mexico wearing hot pink with a mad look on her face. This new hair do does not do well in the wind..hence the Donald Trump photo.
I also recognized the answered prayer. How the Lord provided for me specific to my person all with a sense of humor . I got out, stretched my legs in the wide open, got grounded with the earth( covered in mud) drank in nature, had time in prayer. Just like a day in my garden. AWESOME! God is so Good.

Some things that cross my mind

This has been a tough piece for me to finish. Maybe it is the transparency of my sinfulness or my pride wanting to conceal it.

I will be honest this journey here living life in ministry is a wonderful paradox of blessings and brokenness where even the brokenness is sweet. It is a joy to be able to participate in the work of the Lord and see his mercies and provision unfold so tenderly for those He Loves. Daily we witness how it is by His grace that we even breath let alone get to participate in telling the story of redemption from the vantage point of lives redeemed, walking miracles of His unfathomable Love. Humbling to say the least.
Just as much as you see it unfold for others there is the continual refining work He is accomplishing in our own hearts as well.

These past months here have been laced with lessons steeped in grace and mercy that only hindsight can reveal.

In short I will say that I have had a compilation of ailments that began to consume me. Chronic roaming pain lead to 5 months of sleep deprivation and limited ability to walk comfortably. Was it the cold air, cement floors, did arthritis just hit me?The thorn in my side, back legs, hips, head you name it.
Then came the reoccurring sinus issues daily headaches with motion sickness and inner ear pain and dull hearing.
My approach to suffering has been to avoid it at all costs so this already sets me up for a resistant heart followed by the well visited pity pot of "why me" and a honed habit of trying to complain it away concluding with spiritual pouting. Needless to say I was not a great witness..luckily it rained a lot and I moved so slow my radius of damage was small.

A trip to Canada provided a possible explanation for my sinus issues...failed dental work... the tooth had to come out. I have a irrational fear/ insane phobia of the dentist so much so that I had not been to the dentist in 10 years and I have no cavities. So pulling a perfectly good non painful tooth seemed a cruel joke. I did not pray for courage or patience.

Through all of this I started to think about the Sovereignty of God. That He is indeed in control. The creator has allowed all of this so there must be a purpose in it.

I knew this much, that at times suffering comes to reveal your heart, your faith, your resolve at other times it is to complete a work in those around us. I wanted to respond differently than my whiney past. So the teaching begins. As I sit at his feet accepting that in some measure this is His provision for me I ask WWJD? I thought about how he faced an unimaginable trial.

He prepared.
We are often in a trial, about to enter one or just leaving one. How do we prepare?
He prayed to the father while others slept.
Three times he asked the father to remove this from Him if it was His will.
No answer.
No answer is an answer.
Sadly for me a bit short on endurance and jeers from the enemy convincing me of my inadequacies, sadly I listen. Fostering doubt in who we are in the Lord. Our position as sons and daughters. Somehow I equated pain with punishment and this is a lie and the doubting or lack of faith is a sin.
I considered Jesus steps in the Garden. I think what gave Him the strength to accept this cup was truly understanding the sovereignty of God. The creator, the author of life was calling the shots and trusting that ALL things work for the good of those that Love Him.
That He holds All things together that He is outside of time and space and can see the beginning and the end. Believing that God is good ALL the time.
Considering suffering from that perspective would strengthen you for the journey. Pray first accept the answer then trust in His sovereignity.

Again I return to Canada this time with a heavy heart as I am prostrate in prayer for a sister at our church who has a massive brain tumor. Teresa was sent home to live out her remaining days due to a lack of insurance with an aggressive tumor. When I arrive home I chat with our dentist Matt who also attends our church who had graciously dealt with my my tooth as well as my neurosis.

I was sick. I thought I had a sinus infection again instead my tooth site and sinuses were infected he would need to operate on me. Seriously! didn't God get my memo about me being terrified of dentists!
So here we go.... being that it was a Sunday my dear friend Starr willingly agreed to assist. Although talented with many things, dental assisting is not one of them nor is it on her resume. Now don't get me wrong as much as I love her I was not so thrilled about her holding pain tools in my face even if she is good with a vacuum. This felt like a back alley operation. Words like incision, stitches, bone chips just about had me faint. Then I thought about Theresa. All I could do was be humbled. After all I had an infection in my face like her and here I was receiving such merciful provision. I could not get her face from my mind. Instead of feeling self consumed with "why me" and my own suffering I began to pray for her as silent tears streaked my face.
My focus shifted. Off of me onto the Lord praising him and thanking Him lifting my sister up in prayer.
Often pain is exaggerated by a horizontal focus where as relief comes through a vertical one.

I wondered how these past months of suffering might have been limited even relieved by faithful prayer or time spent with the Father in His word at his feet in the garden in my heart.
Take it even further to consider to sing joyfully dare I say even grateful rejoicing in and through the pain, thankful that I am His full of hope in the work to be accomplished.
To accept that this trial was Gods will. That the suffering could glorify the Father.
It is an opportunity for even a closer relationship with the father. Much like a mother suffers in childbirth something beautiful has occurred a knitting together through the process.
We are being knit together participating in his Glory being revealed through the suffering if we trust Him. Truly it is a blessed event if we have this perspective.
This is where the rubber meets the road and the choice of obedience begins.

As I phone home I hear reports of Theresa's wide stretched hands on her knees at church with praise to the Father while the whole church silently wept in conviction behind her. I am humbled yet again.

I am also reminded of a dear sister Karleen who has endured great suffering with her life suspended each day by grace. I have witness her suffering as a Holy event where she honors Him with each heartbeat with her honest adoration with each breath he wills.
Both of these women glorify the Father in their darkest moments trusting Him and their faces are marked by an unimaginable peace.

And so I conclude with the thought of Jesus and His silent suffering, His complete trust and submission to the Father's will. It's beautiful accomplishment. The separation from the father does not exist for us because of Jesus.

Each day we face we have the security of Him in dying world how much more should we shine differently when trials come living in His promises reflecting the Hope we have in him with a grateful heart for the opportunity to Glorify him.

Interesting things to ponder after my second dental surgery, with pain still in my jaw, sinuses and face with a looming threat of another infection.

This has been my meditation..how to bring Him Glory in and through it I shudder at the missed opportunity with the shallow measure in my cup and yet I am convicted ,taught and grateful, blessed by the mercy of hindsight and hope these word in some small measure give Him Glory.

My prayer is that His will be done and I won't whine.

Wow time flys

Wow time flys

A slice of life in Mexico.

I cant believe that we have been here almost 8 months! Time has just flown by. I have several posts that I have not yet posted. Some a bit personally revealing and others just comedic drivel.
Still deciding on if they are finished yet which brings me to here. I realized that a very practical post was necessary outlining our life here in general.

I have to laugh first of all...as there was some suspicion not actually spoken that we might have desired to serve in Mexico as a tropical escape to beautiful beaches and warm temperatures.

I have been to the beach twice.
It has been freezing, like living in a cement meat locker with drafts, our vistas are littered brush with random animal corpses amidst the rolling verdant hills. On occasion a warm wind blows through with rumors of sickness in it's gusts that actually appear to be truthful in the aftermath.

There is a funny assumption that if you are white you have money...correction the right word would be debt with the appearance of money. This is not us but just a generalization of one of the differences in culture. Mexican people may live in a cement cinder block house but it is ALL theirs. There is a decency about living within your means to be respected yet they have little option. And yet it is what piques our emotions when we first arrived. The humble homes amid the muddy washed out roads, clothes hanging on a fence collecting more dust as cars race past. Unsupervised children playing on roads. Suicide dogs waiting for a merciful truck to put them out of their misery.
There is a most certain vibe, a current of regeneration of life and hope amidst the undercurrent of darkness that wants to steal it's breath. It is a tangible spiritual battlefield that is fought by the spirit that is greater. The love and hope found in Christ Jesus.
The armor of God is so necessary.( Ephesians 6:10-18) Often we coach our boys to put on the full armor, the belt of truth around their waist, with the breast plate of righteousness in place, your feet shod with the gospel of peace the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit which is the word of God. We make believe getting dressed with this armor but it is such an essential exercise in preparedness.
Once we are all dressed and ready for the day we begin in prayer followed by study ending in prayer. Then homeschool begins. From 9-12 is our usual schedule to be ready to go and serve in the afternoon. If it is a quiet afternoon then we will work longer hours preparing for when the groups are here and we loose a week. Rob is always studying. He studies the bible online as well as preparing for messages yet to be taught.
Groups have finally started to book. It is quite a busy time. Each time a group is scheduled we gather for corporate prayer over the group and the work that they will do, from the time that they are booked until they leave. The weeks prior is spent with visiting the orphanages to assesss the needs so the group will be able to serve effectively as well as coordinating activities, projects, needed to complete their missions trip. Things such as acquire chairs for out reach, gather PA system, make carnival games, assemble crafts, organize clothing ,toiletries and toys to be given away and prepare teaching for children women's studies as well as outreach to be prepared. Once the group arrives our days are packed. Early morning devotions with worship and prayer followed by serving. The types of serving is varied depending on the group but can include visitation to orphanage , shelters, recovery descipleship centers, community work, and out reach with our day concluding in next day prep worship and prayer. The week always ends in awe of the power of prayer and how that very spirit ministers so specifically in the small things and how lives are changed by a hope they find in Jesus Christ. Typically the group here leaves changed with new hearts that the Lord has for the widows and orphans.

The week following the group although rest is in order , begs for cleaning and reorganizing the base, distributing left over food to needy families in the neighborhood, catching up on homeschool, re-establishing our routine, uploading images, processing the web news, answering followup correspondence. Just when we are all caught up the next group is scheduled to come and we start all over again.
The visits from the groups remind me of Paul in Romans 1:11-12 " I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each others faith." It is a mutual affection when the groups come where we are equally encouraged by each others faith. It is the body of Christ in action and we are continually in awe to be participating.

There is the mundane as well. The monotony of life where you are tested to walk in trusting Him through the small things searching for His fingerprint or His will in the 10 loads of laundry and the freshly mopped floors with muddy foot prints. Often is is a question of our heart, a choice to glorify Him, through our attitudes and example. I say this not as one who has perfected it only as one who is still learning and I am resigned to this life long task.

I realize that there is this romantic notion of a missionary. An uncomfortable elevated position of sorts that expects a higher spiritual understanding /calling/knowledge. The reality is the only difference between us here and our brothers and sisters at home is Geography and a language barrier. All believers are a missionaries, in your church your town, your work place. I think it is harder to minister to a nation that rejects God because of abundance and apathy. Nations full of riches and self-sufficiency that there is no need for a Savior. The Good News, is old news and often falls on deaf ears as they have heard it all before. So I admire those that faithfully serve where they are planted inspiring others by their faithfulness and their very lives courageously facing daily indifference.
I see the importance of this very work and the specific equipping for it and I stand in deep respect of how the Lord is being revealed through these faithful co-laborers despite the climate of national apathy.

Romans 13: 11 "And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed."

The urgency is now. Time is short and so here we are wanting to be about the Father's business.
And so to conclude these past months I can say with assurance that our calling remains as we see the lives around us transform....our own, the groups that serve and the communities they serve in. Gloria a Dios!